Sure you could save money on food by inviting your date over to the apartment for a turkey sandwich, but you’re going to end up having to spend a lot of money on cleaning supplies instead. Plus — unless you picked up your date down by the wharf — they probably will not want to be on your home turf early on in the relationship.
Worried a night out is going to cost you an arm and a leg? Fuhgeddaboudit! Your boy Vinnie B. would never let that happen to you. Here are some tips on how to eat out like a legit boss.
In case you’re just sitting inside reading blogs all day (and who can blame you) you may not have noticed that the world can be a messed up place. Who wouldn’t want to be happy for an hour?
Ever have to wait for a table for dinner? Vinnie B. knows people so he don’t wait, but I’m sure the rest of you mooks have.
That’s because everybody wants to eat at the same time. And while restaurants are glad to have a line out the door between 7pm and 9pm (I’m looking at you Joe’s Stone Crab — Vinnie B. don’t forget nothing!), there’s sometimes nobody — and Vinnie B. means nobody — before and after the dinner rush. So restaurants gotta cooperate if they know what’s good for them.
Most places have early and late night happy hours Sunday through Thursday. Everybody goes out on Friday and Saturday night so don’t expect no deals those nights. If you can’t pay full price send bae an “I’m not feeling well” text by Wednesday to lay the groundwork for your impending cheapness.
Most Happy Hours consist of reductions on drinks and half off appetizers. Be warned though — after two or three drinks a budget tends to fly out the window and you’re liable to wake up the next day with a bar receipt as long as the Declaration of Independence if you ain’t careful.
If you’re going to drink listen to ol’ Vinnie B. and take an Uber or a Lyft home. But not one of those scooters or you’ll break your freaking neck.
And nothing says “I’m healthy and watch what I eat” like a half off appetizer at 1 am.
Thinking Arby’s for a date? Think again!
Fast food is a great last date, but don’t expect to make a big impression with a Big Mac.
But don’t think that means you have to go to your local chophouse for every date. You ain’t making Vinnie B. money — so stay in your lane, bro.
Fortunately for yous guys the restaurant business’ got you covered with what we like to call a fast casual dining establishment. These places have the food quality of a restaurant with the service quality of a fast food joint (which is to say, none).
Important people like Vinnie B. don’t always got time to go sit and eat for two hours filling up on bread so why not go spend 30 minutes eating fast casual.
Put on your third best t-shirt and head over to a place like Panera Bread, Pei Wei, or Chipolte. Most people can eat for ten bucks at these places and many of them don’t sell alcohol so the check can’t sneak up on you. Bottle service is reserved for the likes of Vinnie B.
The eats is good at these places and some of them offer trendy, healthy choices that can impress your date for one third the price of the Veal Milanese in the part of town where you don’t have to lock your car twice.
So do you and your date a favor and go have a nice soup and a sangwich and if you’re still hungry after you can hit the dollar menu at Mickey D’s by yourself.
It’s not a coupon — it’s a voucher! There’s a difference!
Going around with a book of coupons like your crazy Aunt Tina is never a good look. That being said Vinnie B. is never afraid to drop a voucher to save a dime.
The restaurant business is very competitive, but thankfully not nearly as much as waste management. Or so Vinnie B. heard, but I ain’t saying from who. What’s it to yous who said it anyway?
Most chain restaurants have a rewards program. These programs vary, but the main thing that they have in common is that each time you dine in they give you points. Get enough points they give you free food — and Vinnie B. don’t have to tell you that free is good.
What’s the catch? Well you have to give them your email address and phone number so they can send you offers until the end of time. But if you’re worried about your inbox filling up with fifteen emails a day letting you know about Taco Tuesday don’t worry — Google’s got you and redirects all of these emails into a promotions folder.
Some of these restaurants — such as the Landry’s Select Club — also give you a physical card for the rewards club that allow you to act like a VIP in front of your very special someone. Ask any dentist — there’s nothing wrong with a lil’ floss.
Many of these clubs also collect your date of birth and give you a free birthday dinner or desert. And is there a better birthday present than food? Well, Cartier — but you gotta get to the Vinnie B. league for that!