Yo! I’d Buy That For A Dollar!

You can turn this dollar into a cheeseburger or a burrito. It’s magic.

Think you can’t eats good because you only got a dollar? Think again!

Competition between the fast food restaurants has never been tougher. Not since Veto Genovese moved against Frank Costello has the battle for control of a racket been this intense.

Fortunately for yous it means you get to eat cheap.

I know what you’re saying, “Vinnie B., fast food is gross? Also, can I take a selfie with you?”

Vinnie B. has a simple answer for you, “What do you want for a dollar? And, if you take another picture of me I’m going to break your phone!”

So unless you can sustain yourself on a baby avocado and boojie lettuce (kale) like Gwyneth Paltrow tried a few years back your best bet at #brokeeating is one of these fast food joints.

Mickey D’s!

Ronald “One Dollar” McDonald.

You don’t need to plop down some gold to eat at the golden arches.

That’s right — you can eat at the world’s favorite hamburger restaurant for a dollar plus tax (because the government gots to eat too).

The dollar menu at Mickey D’s is lit. We talking straight fire. Freal.

Some of the highlights including the basic af Cheeseburger, the McChicken, and the burrito formerly known as breakfast. You can also get any size drink for a dollar but this here be about food not drinks so whatever.

Ice cream ain’t on the dollar menu, but the ice cream machine stay broke so who cares?

If you thought that was exciting then Vinnie B. about to drop some serious insider knowledge on you. On Monday and Wednesday you get the basic Hamburger for 59 cents and the basic Cheeseburger for 69 cents if you want that Vinnie B. baller upgrade package. That means for $6.90 you can get a sack of cheeseburgers. And who doesn’t want to eat a sack?

But wait — there’s more! on Sunday you can get a five piece Chicken McNuggets for 99 cents. What are you doing reading my blog? Get to Mickey D’s son, but don’t tell them Vinnie B. sent you.

Yo Quiero Taco Bell!

This is an actual image of the inside of your stomach after eating at Taco Bell.

Taco Bell is the best Mexican restaurant on the planet. It also has a pretty serious dollar menu. Some people complain about the food quality, but y’all need to stop bumping your gums and realize it’s only a dollar.

If a one dollar taco can’t make you happy Vinnie B. feels sorry for you.

The chefs at Taco Bell stay experimenting to bring new and delicious menus to Taco Bell’s cravings menu, but year round they’ve got some staples that fill you up right. You walk in with a dollar and you gonna get fed!

Start you off with some Triple Layer Nachos for an appetizer and let that nacho cheese do its bidness on your taste buds. For an entrée might I suggest either the Beefy Cheese and Rice Burrito or for the true connoisseur the Beefy Mini Quesadilla.

I don’t know anyone could eat after that, but if you want desert they got dollar menu deserts too. Have you some Cinnamon Twists or a Caramel Apple Empanada (which is Spanish for $1 fried apple).

Where’s The Buck?!

Maybe this Wendy’s still be open if they had a better dollar menu.

Come on Wendy’s! Stop with the whole 4-for-4 nonsense an focus on your dollar menu. Vinnie B. can’t be dropping $8 every time he takes his girl to your “restaurant”.

Wendy’s might be fresh never frozen, but if that means higher prices then stick that food in a freezer!

Wendy’s ain’t gonna turn nobody away with if they show up with cash money, but your dollar ain’t going to do you much good. You can get a Junior Cheeseburger, but Vinnie B. ain’t been called “junior” since 1987 and that guy don’t come around no more.

You can also get yourself a Crispy Chicken Sandwich or ‘value’ sized drinks, fries, or a Frosty. Basically its the same little paper container you put your ketchup in. The one saving grace of the Wendy’s dollar menu is the 4 piece nuggets. Everybody loves nuggets, amirite?


All these people standing in line to spend more than a dollar. Sad.

In 1776 the United States declared itself independent of England and Mad King George III. For nearly two centuries we lived without monarchy as a free and independent republic. Then a King returned to our lands. A Burger King.

Vinnie B. is often at the club with descendants of the deposed crowned heads of Europe so Vinnie B. knows that it takes a lot of money to be royal, but that don’t mean Burger King need to take its menu to the next level like it being doing.

That’s right. The Burger King menu only has like three things for a dollar. I guess they don’t want the common folk eating alongside Earls and Viscounts and Marquesses and whatever.

But if you do show up on a rainy night at BK with just a dollar they will sell you a bacon burger, crispy chicken sandwich, or an ice cream cone.

At least their ice cream machine works though. Prolly because they charge so much for their food that they can afford the upkeep. Don’t be giving Mickey D’s no ideas.

“A dollar makes me hollar!”

— Honey Boo Boo

Well there you have it. You’ve got a ton of legit food options if you’ve got a dollar. Of course they aren’t healthy and you’ll be hungry again in a couple hours, but fortunately this recent study linking fast food to dementia means you won’t remember either.

So do yourself a favor and hit the drive through on the way home.

Until next time — yo! eats good!

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